Abandoned

Abandoning by the Abandoned

Why

do I feel like I’m abandoning

I had nothing to do with the death

Yet

I accept full responsibility

one day

things were fine

Alive

now

a few days later

they’re not fine

Nor alive

It lay there

in the cooling sun of late summer

Stiff

even with the flies

which makes me twitch for it

I swat them away

No rise

in the belly

No rise

in the chest

dead stare

But really

Dead

It was my responsibility

I think this way

I wonder if 

The one

who abandoned me

Felt this way

The moment I think the thought

I doubt that they did

Just as repeating patterns can be horrific

so can the opposite outcome be

I guess maybe my abandoner

had already abandoned themself

Left

Too much 

Responsibility felt for those who 

Died

In their care

even though it was

not their fault

False sense of care

Maybe

Is there a difference between 

A human

An Animal

A Plant

The Land

The Earth

The Community

it’s an illusion

an attempt

To thwart death

To thwart the battle

we inevitably lose

a battle reinforced by bedtime stories

there is no battle

Without

there is only the battle 

Within

have I done my part

to make my presence

worth the energy it took to make 

me

have I supported the interconnected

webs of life

Is that a question

What is the meaning of death

What meaning do I assign

It

that is but one

Question

I ask

I ask it staring into the

Dead

stare of a lifeless body

a lifeless body

I abandoned

No matter how much I know 

It wasn’t my fault

It’s always been my fault

right

Why was I abandoned

Why am I not good enough

it’s easier to believe it’s my fault

Why